We won't sleep together?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize