Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Randomize
