Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
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