Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Randomize
