We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
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