Soap is not a condiment
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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