Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
