I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
Randomize
