if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
