My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
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i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
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im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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