I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
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