I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize
