I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
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