Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
