My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
