Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
