she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
where are my eyebrows?
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize