yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
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