He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
