I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
