The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
