you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Randomize
