Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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