you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
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