I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Randomize
