just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
