who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
