I think im going to throw up on grandma
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
