I'm jealous of your bromance
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
