Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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