I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
