Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
