Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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