I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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