someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I am available for nakedness
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
