i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
