I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
