ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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