That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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