Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
