lets start a swedish sibling band together
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
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