You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
