I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
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It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
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We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
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