my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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