Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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