I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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