just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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