why didn't you poke me back
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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