I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
