Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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