This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
