at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I don't deserve a penis
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
