some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
