No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Drake has all the answers
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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