So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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