it wasn't lemon gatorade
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Randomize
