My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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