fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
