ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
Randomize
