I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
