Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
