Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
My ass is underappreciated
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Randomize
