ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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