Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
