I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I got her a Nickelback box set.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
