You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
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