Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
We got so high we made milksteak
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Randomize
