I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Randomize
