Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Randomize
